in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
