Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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