wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
