Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
