my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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