3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
