I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
