I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Me too!
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
