there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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