So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
