So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
