bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
