'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
