waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
