I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
