yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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