laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
