His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
