last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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