goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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