I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm always down for nudity.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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