made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
