You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
