apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
