I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
cat food counts as protein by the way
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
