I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
