my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
