wanna go halves on a baby?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
