This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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