Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
