i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
