just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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