How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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