i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
