im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
