that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
