he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
