Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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