Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
