This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
