living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
