he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
