Porn is love you can see.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I enjoy the company of your penis
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
