the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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