the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
