sorry about calling you the devil all night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
