I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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