His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
