We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You're my little dorito
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
