My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
