Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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