I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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