Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
